Private Chat with a Dead Man.

BANG!

Kuya Ed (one of our security guards) was found struggling-to-death on our office’s sofa. His death stirred us up. His death is a common-frightful-style of death - suicide.

People were hysterical but I was shocked.

He left a suicide note. One of the several puzzling questions, why the heck my name was in the suicide note. What was my relationship with Kuya Ed? How long we’ve been friends? How come I’m the one he confided with all his all-people-have-this-kind-of problems?

Actually right now, I’m in the I-still-can’t-believe state. I can’t believe that I have had a private chat with a dead man.

It was Sunday, June 08, 08 when I first to know more about Kuya Ed. It was a night to remember, so to speak - a chat to remember.

A whole lot of pressures surrounded me that night. To meet my deadlines, I decided to stay over night to yield more results. At around 10 P.M., I noticed Kuya Ed (I used to call him “Chief” earlier) entered my office with a white paper seemingly used one. He politely asked me “Sir, puede mo akong tulungan dito sa ginawa kong letter?” I consequently asked him “Para san ito?” He told me that it was meant for his agency’s boss. So, I did his request.

While editing, I observed that there’s a story behind those words in that letter but I still finished first the whole editing before I asked the real score of it.

I figured out that the letter is somehow a semi-incident report and semi I-did-not-do-anything-wrong letter type.

I asked him directly “Are you writing this to save your ass?” He answered, “Sir, takot kc akong mawalan ng trabaho. Baka hindi ko mababayaran ang mga utang ko.”

I sympathetically advised him that he did not need to send the letter to his boss. I re-affirmed him that whatever will happen I will be the one to witness that he did nothing wrong. I could discern that he had a lot of problems.

He walked in and out. His eyes were appealing for help. His voice was trembling with heaviness in his heart. He needed someone to talk to. I lent ears to listen from his yearnings. Yearning that is hopeful.

I told him to sit down so we could talk. He was hesitant that time because I was trying to meet my deadline that’s why I’m there. He asked me, “Ok lang talaga Sir, na makipag-usap sa iyo? Busy ka pa naman.”

I replied “Walang problema ”

He began to bring back the story. He was trying to figure out the cause of things allegedly he thought was the point of origin.

Ironic but true, his fear was caused by doing the right thing, by making his job right.
He narrated that there was an instance he informed the HR because someone was not wearing a uniform. The initial reaction of the concerned person was to get angry to Kuya Ed. He was not just confronted but humiliated with stories that cause his heart to cry. He felt that everyone hated him because of doing his job.

I told him, “If someone disagrees with you then you are making the right thing. You don’t have to feel guilty because of doing the right thing. Philippians 4:8-9 Whatever is noble…whatever is true…. Whatever that admirable and praiseworthy, think such things.” When I told him about that verse he felt secured that he was really making the right thing.

Then he told me again another scenario that he felt out-casted. There was a scenario that one of the removable ceilings was left open. His attention was called and asked why it was open. He said “Sir, hindi ko po alam. Alangan naman ako ang pumasok diyan eh bawal diyan pumasok.” The one who asked him had the feeling of disappointment and said “Ang sakit mo naman magsalita.”

Another story which added to his worries was when he reluctantly reported an overtime payroll to evaluate due to the fact that the one who filed it was just playing computer games on that specified date. In return, the one who filed it became bitter.

I was listening to his stories upon stories. Actually, there are more stories indeed to tell.

Kuya Ed was a guard whose heart is so fragile. All the stories he told me were petty, pettier as I could imagine them. Nevertheless, he was a guard whose primary concerns were to secure the company’s resources. Secondary is to check if the company’s policies were properly guided.

He is fearful from the consequences of doing his job. He had several fears that lead to his paranoia. A kind of paranoia that I never thought that cost his life. It is his paranoia that somehow I attested that made him restless and fearful. He was so paranoid that he made all petty scenarios correlate.

It was a long heartfelt stories and later on our chat redirected to his son. He told me that maybe I could guide his son, Kevin. He requested that I will be handling a youth fellowship inside their home. He was so concerned about his son. Kuya Ed wanted Kevin to join in our church band. I attested him that I’ll pray for this mission.

I pitied him. I directed him to stand and follow my prayers then he accepted Jesus Christ as his personal savior. I prayed for him that God will protect him from his paranoia.

After that, I described to him the difference between “knowing God” versus “Having Relationship with God”. He was pretty amazed how I related the two. He told me that I talk and think like old. I said, “My wisdom is from God.”

Kuya Ed requested me to invite his family to our church for a fellowship. He gave me his home phone to call up his son and wife. A phone call that I supposed to do but I failed.

For two weeks in a row I always asked him about the things he told me. For two weeks, he was glowing with happiness compared to the first time I had talk with him. Suddenly, I need to go to Davao for a 9-day vacation that was June 28 – July 6.

I arrived here in the office July 7 at 10 am. I was very exhausted from the trip.

That afternoon, he went inside my office carrying a computer. He greeted me at my back. I didn’t see his face. While facing the computer monitor, I just simply greeted “Hi Kuya Ed.” Usually, I turned my chair in front of him to ask how he is doing. I was very busy that time because a pile of work waiting.

At 8 P.M., I logged out. He was in his post. I asked something to him without looking at his face. Instead to talk to him, I went to Collection Department to greet some of my friends inside who were still in the office that time. Before coming to the elevator, someone asked me about the project I’m handling for her.

I just realized something mysterious that time. We never had a chance to talk. I have never seen his face that day. I can’t even look at him. I can’t even describe if he was sad or something.

July 8. I was shocked and hysterical about the text message I’ve read that day. Kuya Ed triggered the gun to end his life.

His death was a mix of assumptions. Exaggerated news and media reported misconception of information. People who knew him asked thousand of questions. His family grieved with questionable connotations.

Questions popped out. Answers pop in. Assumptions upon assumptions merged. Regrets fell in.

Kuya Ed was one of my newest friends here in Manila. We were destined to be friends for a purpose. Knowing each other was not a mere accident but a pure God’s plan. He found a trusted friend in me. I am just sincere friend who listened to his cries, disappointments and fears. I’m just the instrument to introduce God and Jesus Christ to his life before his death. God knows that Kuya Ed planned to end his life. That’s why God send me here in Bankard to testify how God works in our lives, that there is more than life than physical. A whole month of friendship was a pure bliss - that even to his death he remembered me that I was his trusted friend who holds the some bits of truth. It is not because I’m a Christian. It is because practicing what Jesus told us in the bible that we should be accountable for every human being. Spread love by spending time with people who needs our time.

One of the questions left; did he really end his life because of the huge accumulated debt? For me, it’s the least thing as a reason.

It is funny but true that we made this incident a horror one, instead of asking ourselves what we are getting out from this incident. What perspective could we draw out from it?

Are you treating every human as human? Are you respecting every human regardless of status in life? What is your relationship with the people around you? Are you backstabbing people with malicious stories? How do you react if someone noticed that what you’re doing is wrong? Do you feel that you can manipulate people or your subordinates because you have the authority and power to do so? What is your relationship with the guards, with the janitors or even with your housemaids?

There’s a lot of perspective to draw from this. Death strikes anytime, anywhere…anyone. Death is certain for all of us. It’s an appointment we can’t reschedule to. The last question is, where are you going after you die?

Now if you’re not sure….

Acknowledge that you are a sinner.
Repent.
Accept Jesus Christ as your Lord and Savior.
Read the Bible.


P.S. email me for prayer request and counseling.
God bless